It's autumn. I'm dressed up as an alien commander. This apparently entails white trousers and a white tunic with grey sleeves past the elbow. On the front of the uniform is an orange planet with a large ring system kind of like Saturn, but I'm fairly certain my mind took the image from Marvel Comics' old Captain Marvel character as opposed to any actual celestial body. On top of my head is a white skull-cap with fake antennae things on them (again, though this is a fairly standard look for aliens, I can pin the image down to a few little green men drawn in Nextwave). I can't remember exactly why I was dressed as Alien Commander to begin with, I think it was some kind of joke, but once I was in the suit, I decided to make a music video.
The video involved me, as Alien Commander, and two other people, I think it was little Will & Mooreman, in similar costumes walking around outside in a single file line, sped up to maybe double speed. We're generally bopping along to the music, and for some reason - to seem more alien like I guess - we keep our elbows stuck to the sides of our torso and our forearms out in front of us at 90 degrees, palm down. The three of us carry on wandering around like this for a while, at one point crossing over the Abbey Road zebra crossing.
We finish filming, but carry on walking around in costume. We walk past a building that I recognise as the university theatre. This place defies all logic and can only be described as a building tuned insude out: I looked into it from my position with the orange leaves on the pavement and somehow I was at once looking into the outside, and looking at my position at the actual outside from the inside. If that sounds confusing, try working out the schematics when the damn thing's standing there in front of you. There's a huge applause from inside/outside.
It turns out that this Alien Commander character is incredibly famous and has a massive fandom. All these people dressed up as Alien Commander just cheering me from the building. A few of them guide me in (/out) where all these weird people are treating me like some kind of hero. Two of these acolytes guide me to the stage, but unlike a theatre where the stage is at the bottom and the stalls and circle and things slowly rise up and away from it, this place had a load of seats and raised opera boxes & viewing areas all in a very steep ascension towards a stage at the peak of the mountainous upside-down auditorium. There was no roof to the building from the inside and once I was on top of the stage-summit, I looked down at my adoring audience and then to the sea a short distance away. There's a dark grey & white striped lighthouse, and I remember thinking how strange it is to be looking at it's tower from my position far above.
I give a thankful speech to all of these fans; they all laugh at my jokes. I'm explaining how funny and overwhelming this all is, when a group of rebels try to assassinate me. I can't exactly remember how.
The crowd erupt into a frenzy. A chill runs up my spine as I realise this entire Alien Commander Convention was engineered by these assassins as a means to kill me off. No-one can ID or catch the rebels as everyone in the building is wearing the same dumb outfit, so people are screaming and panicking and everything. As soon as it happens, I'm whisked off stage by my uni mates, Jacob, Guy & Kris, who try and get me to safety. Looking back at the stage behind me, I see that a ghost dressed as Alien Commander has taken my place and is alternating between trying to pacify the crowd and performing improvised observational comedy.
By now, we are deep in the heaving chaos of the panicked crowd. Kris realises that he's left the window to his flat open and argues that he has to go back to shut it Guy, Jacob and I argue that it's far too dangerous to go back now. We manage to drag him all the way down to the bottom of University Theatre where we hit the bar. I enjoy a nice hoppy pint of pale ale, and we all order bacon fries.
And then I woke up.
 |
| Alien Commander |
No comments:
Post a Comment